After The Headlines

In the early morning hours of June 24th, 2021, an apartment complex in Surfside, Florida collapsed out of nowhere, killing 98 people – including Patty’s mom, Maggie. 

It’s difficult enough to lose a loved one to an unthinkable tragedy. It’s exceptionally awful when you’re forced to watch them die over and over again on national television.

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References:

• One year after Surfside condo collapse in Florida, a legal settlement is approved

• Experienced Team From Israel Helps Search Through Florida Condo Debris

• Dozens Of People Are Missing After A 12-Story Florida Condo Partly Collapsed

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Transcripts may not appear in their final version and are subject to change.

I’m Nora McInerny, and this is “Terrible, Thanks for Asking.”

We like to say that there are only a few certain things in life, like death and taxes. I would also like to throw in something else that seems like an almost guarantee at this point: the news. A relentless stream of news. At any moment in our day, we can open our phones and read about events happening all over the world. 

And a lot of the time, news stories are mundane. Trending stories on my news app today:

• American Airlines Flight Makes Emergency Landing After People Get Sick

• Michelle Phillips Finally Reveals the Secret History of the Mamas and the Papas

• Forget Wine, Weed, and Xanax! Science Has Better Ways to Treat Anxiety

• Millions of Americans May Be Eligible for a COVID-19 Stimulus (Possibly You, Too)

• A Teen Vanished in Rome – Was It a Random Tragedy or a Vatican Cover Up? 

• Paul Newman Reveals Heartbreak Over Son's Addiction in Memoir: 'Never Thought It Would Be Fatal'

• Why You Should Think Twice Before Buying Coffee at the Grocery Store

So, ya know. I guess that’s news?

A lot of the time, the news feels a little bit like a white noise machine whooshing in the background. 

But then, there’s the big news stories. Where the white noise abruptly stops, and we’re jerked away from our routines and into our phones.  

To us, the news consumers, these big stories might make us emotional. We might feel sad that people we don’t know are hurt, or suffering, or being wronged. 

And of course, those people being hurt, or wronged, or who are suffering, are real people. Our guest today, Patty Vasquez Bello, is one of those real people. A tragedy, heavily covered in the news, was more than a news story to her. It was an event that took her mother and changed her whole life and her whole family.

But before there was the story of her mother’s death, there was the story of her mother’s life. How Patty’s close-knit family started. When her parents, Maggie and Clemente, got married at 19 and 21. 

Patty Vasquez Bello: I think as Cuban immigrants, they wanted to be, like, as American as possible in some facet. So they had a traditional, like, my mom had a beautiful dress and my dad was in, like, the penguin-style black suit. But their weddings were … were smaller, and they basically did it potluck-style. Like, somebody made food, somebody made an appetizer, somebody made a cake. And that's the way that they were able to afford their weddings. And I mean, small … Cuban families are pretty large, so there was probably 100 people at her wedding back in the early '70s. Everybody contributed to the wedding. That's the way the family worked. And I look at all the pictures from their honeymoon – they went over to Europe. And she was wearing these amazing bell bottoms and crop tops that she never let me wear, but she definitely wore at the age of 19 when she got married. And she just radiated beauty. I don't even know how to describe it. I think to me, my mom was probably one of the most beautiful women in the world, mainly because, like, the sun lit up her face.

After getting married, Maggie and Clemente started their family almost immediately. They ended up with three daughters and one son. And Patty is the youngest of the group. 

Patty Vasquez Bello: You know, I tell my older sister all the time that I feel very lucky that I never saw my parents really argue from when I was young. We had a long hallway in our house. And if that hallway door was closed, they were probably knee deep in conversation around anything that they needed to talk to. But I never saw my dad raise his voice to my mom, not once. And I know that my dad's love for my mom is what all my brothers and sisters and I have learned about what loving a spouse looks like. He would die for my mom. He was a particular person, and he had his things, but his love for my mother probably was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen to date. And I think to be able to witness that, especially in this day and age, from when they got married so young, is a unique quality that I'm lucky to have. I love my wife, or try to, the way that my dad did. And I think my siblings are all the same. We were just raised in a, in a beautiful marriage. But when I tell you that my mom loved us to no end, like, there's four of us. Like, there was nothing that she wouldn't do to make us happy. My mom never demanded perfection, but she demanded that you be the best version of yourself. And that was, like, bounded by integrity and personal responsibility. Like, those two things for her were who you were as a person.

Part of that lesson on what it means to be married came when Patty was just a sophomore in high school – and her dad, Clemente, was diagnosed with leukemia.

And it was a long illness; he was sick for 13 years.

Patty Vasquez Bello: I think that my mom loved my dad so much that the thought of him not being there and growing old with her gave her the fuel to inspire, push -- and push hard sometimes, when he was really in the dumps -- to want to make it. Because when you go through chemo and and you have radiation and there are times when you don't think that you're going to make it, you need somebody sometimes to lift you up and tell you, like, "You have to." There were a lot of times where my dad was induced into a coma because his blood sugar dropped or something happened. And there were a lot of times where, like, as siblings, we would have to go in and say goodbye. Like, we didn't know if he would make it. And my mom would just be able to share, like every single treatment, every drug, every … every piece of everything that my dad had been through, she knew it and was there for it. And she gave him a really tough love. That's who she was as an individual. And she was like that with him. But, you know, to see her carry him, you know, from the bedroom to the kitchen and he couldn't walk? It was the purest form of what marriage and love is in a relationship. And I'm grateful that even though he went through something like that, I learned what marriage is. And you don't give up, and you fight for it. And she just stayed with him every step of the way and loved him through the process and loved us through the process. She lost her dad when she was 16 years old to melanoma, and she was his baby. And I'll never forget, I found out my dad had leukemia when I was 16 – same age. And my mom sat me down and was like, “I know exactly what you're going through.” And she sympathized with me, not even as a parent, as a human, because she knew what it felt like at 16 years old to feel like your parent is going to die.

As his illness continued year after year, Clemente wanted to thank Maggie for everything she’d done for him … so he bought his wife a gift. Something they could enjoy together for as long as they had left. And he knew exactly what would make her happiest: a gorgeous beachside condo in Surfside, Florida — just outside of Miami – in a building called Champlain Towers South.

Patty Vasquez Bello: I remember going to the apartment when they bought it, and I was like, "Oh my God, we have a beach apartment. We must have made it! Like, this is insane." [laughs] Like to have, you know, somewhere, you know? And my dad, he worked so hard. He worked so hard in his job as an attorney to provide, you know, for me and my mom and my siblings. And this was something that was just ... it was for my mom. Like, this was like, his heart in an apartment for her because they loved it. They loved, they loved that apartment. My mom was on the fourth floor and her apartment was two bedrooms with a really big living room and a beautiful kitchen. And this view, when you walked outside her apartment, faced the pool. But if you just turned your body slightly, you'd see the entire beach. And you step out onto that balcony and it was like the palm trees were waving, the beach if it was beautiful. It looked like a dream. I remember many times sitting outside on my balcony to have coffee with my mom and just, like, holding her hand and sitting there and having time with her. It was where she was truly happy. And the view was just astonishing. They looked at so many different apartments, you know, so many. And my dad, he landed on this one. He, he loved it. And and he really like I said, he loved my mom so much. He was not a beach person. He was a farm person. He loved horses and farms and was not a beach guy. And my mom, her … her love -- outside of my dad and her family -- was the beach. I mean, when I tell you that my mom would wake up and go to the beach and she did not want to move from her chair until the sun was gone, she did not.

This condo would be a getaway from busy Miami, a getaway from this world where Clemente was sick, a place they could bring their family. It became a second home, near the ocean that Maggie loved so much. 

And when Clemente died in 2013 … it became a place for Maggie to grieve and to heal.

Patty Vasquez Bello: I remember just walking with her and letting her cry. And ... and ... that ... that apartment, it reminded her a lot of my dad. You know, they had a lot of time together there just the two of them, or just the two of them with their grandkids. And I think it was therapeutic because she felt him there, and it was a way for her just to shut off, you know, from, from the Miami life. Sometimes it's really hectic and there's a lot of things going on. And she could just ... she could be sad there without anybody seeing her sad. She was very private about her grief. And that was a place for her to just cry and think about my dad and remember him.

In the years after Clemente’s death, Maggie loved being at the condo with her adult children and grandkids, making memories on the beach. She started to renovate the unit and treat it like her home, not just a second home. 

Nora McInerny: I can see you and your mom, like, walking on the beach and like … this thing that your dad bought for a future that they would share really becoming something that's, like, that outlives him, and that is, like, meant to, like, keep your family close and keep your family together. 

Patty Vasquez Bello: Yeah, but that's what took her. You know? I think ultimately. I struggle the most with, like, he would never have wanted her to die like that, in that apartment.

We’ll be right back.

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It’s the middle of the night in June 2021, and Patty is sleeping next to her wife, Yvette, when the phone rings. Or someone’s phone rings. Yvette is a police officer and on call that night, so Patty assumes it’s a work call coming in.

Patty Vasquez Bello: And I hit her and I'm like, “Your phone. You're getting a call out, you got to answer.” And she's like, “It's not my phone.” And I stopped and I said, “Something happened.” And she's like, “What?” And I said, “Something happened. Where's my phone?” Because those- only bad calls happened at three in the morning.

And it is a bad call. Patty’s brother has news.

Patty Vasquez Bello: And he said, “I got a phone call that the beach apartment collapsed, and I can't get ahold of Mom.” And I just said, “What are you talking about?” I think I said, like, “The building doesn't fall. Like, it doesn't fall.”

But it did fall. In the very early morning of June 24th, 2021, Champlain Towers South … the building where Patty’s mom lives … it falls. Or, it falls apart. 

Patty is stunned. Her wife Yvette jumps into action and calls a friend to come stay with their kids in Boca Raton so they can get to Surfside as fast as possible. It’s an hour and a half drive to the condo.

Patty Vasquez Bello: We pulled up the news on the phone and it just, I mean, the building is standing, from the shots that they're showing. So, you know, Yvette kept telling me like, “Hey, it just looks like maybe it's a partial piece of the side of the building. Your mom is on the pool side. This looks like it's the the street side. So if it's street side, she's fine.”

The limited news they can access during the drive doesn’t give them any answers. They can’t see any damage so … Patty tries to stay optimistic.

While her wife races down the freeway, Patty calls her mother.

She calls.

And calls.

And calls.

And just like her brother said … there’s no answer.

Patty Vasquez Bello: And I start hyperventilating. And I looked at Yvette and I said, “This is really bad. Like, if I know anything about my mom, she would be doing everything in her power to let us know that she was okay if something had happened.” And I just remember moving up and down, holding my head and I'm like, “Nothing can happen to her. Nothing can happen to her. I can't lose my mom. Nothing can happen to her.” My mom, when my dad died, like, became, like … when you lose a parent, the second one becomes like, your everything. Like, I can't imagine losing her. And I think I said that over and over again. “I can't lose her. I can't lose her. I can’t lose her. I can’t lose her.”

It’s still the middle of the night when Patty and Yvette get to Surfside, but the street is already blocked off. The area around the building is swarmed with rescue crews, neighbors, and of course, eventually, news crews. There’s about 100 people at this point.

The police start herding the crowd to a nearby community center.

Patty Vasquez Bello: I was like, “We can't just stand here.” My mom had had the apartment for 22 years. We stayed there all the time. So we knew that there's, like, a long, like, running path – on the beach, that's about a mile and a half. So we look at each other after like 10 or 15 minutes and we're like, “Let's just jump the fence of the community center and walk.” And I started running. And when I tell you the sight of that building from the beach … I'll never forget the … that … that image of like … and I'm screaming, like, “It's gone. Like, the building is gone. I don't … I don't know.” And then they catch up, and we're just staring at it. And then police are coming up, and they're like, “You got to get out of here.” Like we were, I mean, ten feet away from that walkway to walk into the building. And they're like, “You have to get out of here.” And my poor wife is like, going to the police officer, like, “Sir, I understand. I'm an officer. They're trying to find their mom,” you know? And all I could do in that moment was say to myself, “Dad, I fucking hope that you have her, or I hope she's safe. Because if she's caught somewhere in that?” I don't know what she would be feeling or doing or thinking.

The tall condo building, where their family had 22 years of beach vacations and family memories, looks like a war scene. One entire side of the building appears to have just been sheared right off. There’s rubble piled up on the ground, and entire floors of the condo have crumbled and collapsed on top of each other. 

Patty Vasquez Bello: That image is just forever burned in my brain. And, like, I remember, I took a picture because my mom's sister was like, “What is happening?” And finally I just, like, send her a picture. I'm like, “This is really, really bad. This is really bad.”

AUDIO FROM CNN NEWS FOOTAGE: “These are the images coming in from Surfside. This is just north of Miami Beach. Dozens of rescue teams responding to this building, this apartment building, condo complex with 100 units, that partially collapsed.”

Patty is seeing something unimaginable. The part of the Surfside building where her mom Maggie has a condo is … gone. She’s standing on the beach with her wife and her three siblings, but it’s not safe for them to stay there, that close to the collapse site. 

Patty Vasquez Bello: So we just walk back. Like, what do you do? You walk back. And I remember I called one of my very close friends. And I just started crying, and she started crying, and she didn't know why she was crying, except I kept telling her like, “A building fell, and my mom was in it, and I don't know what to do.” And she just cried with me on the phone. And we walked back to the community center and just sat there.

But they can’t just sit there.

Patty Vasquez Bello: The first thing we said was like, “Okay, we need to make fliers with her picture. They're probably going to take all of the surviving individuals to hospitals.” So we're calling our cousins in Miami, are all putting together fliers and going to local hospitals. We went down to Miami, because my nieces and nephews, they're older, right? Like, my girls would have no idea. They're 3 and 5. They don't watch the news. But the older ones are going to see it all over the news, and they know the building. So my sisters and my brother had the incredibly difficult task of going to share the news with her most prized possessions. And I'll never forget hearing my nieces and nephews crying as we shared with them that we didn't know what was happening, but it was going to be on the news.

It was going … to be … on the news.

On the one hand, this is how we know what’s happening around us and in the world. It was the first thing Patty and her siblings turned to, to try and learn what was happening. We all need to know (and deserve to know) what’s going on in our communities.

And … how would we feel if our horror, our tragedy, our grief, suddenly became the news?

Patty Vasquez Bello: I think the first thing I thought was like, “Oh, shit. It's going to be everywhere.” You know, losing a parent to cancer is very different to losing a parent on national TV. I know that reporters obviously, in the media, they have a job to do, right? Like, their job is to report on the news. But when you are the person that they are videoing and taking pictures of and, like, hiding in bushes as you're crying in a corner, it felt gross. And again, like, everybody has a job, right? Everybody needs to make a living. But in my head, I'm like, “What if this was you?” And I think that's like … you don't really think about it until you're in that situation. And I, and I really did, I just was like, “Can you just not be in the bush in the community center? Like, can you let us figure out what's going on?” My sister's picture was in the Miami Herald, you know? And like when they bussed us to see the building the second day, they were everywhere, just everywhere. And you're just like, “I need privacy. They can't find her, and I want you out of my face.” Somebody sent my mom's picture to the news, and I'm like, I don't want people knowing. Like, I just … I don't want that, like, and I know people coming from, like, an incredibly caring place, but we were inundated with calls. You know, it's Miami. Word spread like rapid fire. Like, I don't need to see her picture on the news. I know that she is missing, and the individuals in her life that care about her the most know that she is missing. I don't need her picture up right now. It became too real, if that makes sense. And then I just sat in front of the TV just staring at it because there was nothing else you could do.

In the hours after the collapse and for weeks afterward, search and rescue teams worked around the clock to locate survivors. 

But there weren’t many. And pretty quickly, the rescue efforts shifted.

Audio from press conference: “It is with deep, profound sadness that this afternoon I’m able to share that we made the extremely difficult decision to transition from operation search and rescue to recovery.”

Every day, the search teams gave the loved ones an update on their progress.

Patty Vasquez Bello: They held a call every single day at a specific time around, like, where they were in the building, like what floor they were on. I mean those people were, I mean, when I say amazing, those first responders, the community of Surfside, I mean, amazing. And they really did everything they could to let everybody know what was happening. Sometimes it didn't feel like enough, because you just want to know where they are. I spoke with one of the crew leaders that came down sharing about, like, unique tile in the building, colors of, like, comforters, and unique pieces in the house that when they're pulling, like, then they know where they're at. They did the best that they could with what they had. And I would say that tenfold over and over again. I mean, they did everything that they could to make sure that people knew what was happening and keeping, you know, first responders safe in the process. Like, as the wife of a first responder, their lives were just as important as my mom's.

As the days pass, and as the bodies of more and more residents are recovered from the rubble, Patty and her family wait for news of their mom.

Patty Vasquez Bello: You just know. After a couple of days, like, you just know. And then you think to yourself, like, “I really hope she's not alive, because I don't want her to be hurting or in pain or needing water or food.” You know? You like, start to hope after four or five days that, like, she is not in any pain, like the most wonderful woman in the entire world has to die in the most horrific way. And I'm sure that everybody there felt that way.

On day seventeen, Maggie’s body is finally found by workers. 

Patty Vasquez Bello: It's crazy. You just get a phone call from a detective to let you know that she had been recovered and they were going to come to the house to talk to you. And then they give you no information really. I don't know what they could give to us, you know, that would actually make us feel better. But I think there was a lot of fear by, like, the 10th day that they wouldn't find her. And then what does closure look like, knowing she was there, but nobody to tell you that they found her? I remember my sister telling me, like, I think only 40% of the individuals at the World Trade Center were recovered. And my sister was like, “There is some level of gratitude that we need to have that they found her, because they could not have.”

We’ll be right back.

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Maggie was one of 98 people who died when Champlain Towers South partially collapsed in Surfside, Florida on June 24th, 2021. Thousands, probably millions of people around the world have seen footage of the collapse. 

But while we all watched it happen, Patty and her family lived it.

When large-scale tragedies like what happened in Surfside occur, it’s natural to feel empathy and compassion and anguish for the lives lost, to feel like you’re experiencing the loss yourself in a way.

But we’re not. And this feeling – this idea that we, as witnesses to a tragedy, are also somehow a part of it? It makes Patty feel …

Patty Vasquez Bello: Angry. In retrospect, I think that it just invokes so much emotion, the same way September 11th invokes emotion. When I watched it, I would cry for all of those families. But I think that there's a difference between, like, the emotion that it invokes and then the belief that you are somehow part of it. You are not part of this. You will not, for the rest of your life, deal with this. You will grieve for families. Like, grief and empathy are part of human nature. But trauma, real trauma is very different. I was just angry. Like, those stages of grief bullshit? I'm going to be angry forever that this happened. And I'm going to be angry that there's really no answer. I think “angry” is a state of mind sometimes that you can live with as long as it doesn't consume you.

The thing with news cycles is that’s exactly what they do. They cycle. Something newly terrible happens in the world, and we pivot our lens in that direction to just gobble up the next horrible thing.  

Patty and her family wanted privacy while they waited in that dark, dark shadow of uncertainty and grief and trauma for news of their mother’s recovery. They wanted to be left alone so they could hold each other and support their kids during these agonizing seventeen days before Maggie’s body was found. 

But as time passed, Patty and her siblings realized they also wanted the world to know about their incredible mother. About how much Maggie loved her children, and how her grandchildren were like precious little gems to her. About what a doting wife she’d been to her late husband. About her love for life and her love for biking and travel and friendship. 

Patty Vasquez Bello: I remember talking to my siblings about, like, “Do you guys want to talk about Mom on ‘Good Morning America’ and talk about it?” And my siblings are private. I am the most vocal of all of them. And I finally convinced them, like, “Hey. I think that this is good. You know, we're going to start a foundation for Mom. Maybe this is a really good time to talk about it.” And I remember calling one of my friends who was in the news media cycle, and I was like, “Hey, okay, I convinced everybody. We're good to go.” And she called me back the next day and was like, “Hey, I'm really sorry, but like, the story's dated. And so we're just, we’re going to do something else.” And like, it's, it's the news, right? Like, I completely understand that piece. But that was, like, the gut punch. 

The news cycle works on a pretty straight forward timeline: Something happens, they report the facts. For a few days, maybe even a few weeks after, there are stories about the aftermath of an event. But eventually, there are other things happening, other stories to tell. So someone’s grief, and the timeline of that, doesn’t always fit into the schedule.

It's a purgatory of sorts, to be at the center of a massive news event. So many eyes are on Patty and families like hers. People are talking about this tragedy on TV, the radio, Twitter. And at times, she hates the attention. Like when her sister wakes up to find her photograph in the Miami Herald.

But at some point, it feels like if people are going to talk about the condo collapse, why don't they focus on the part of the story that's important to Patty? Why don't they talk about the beautiful person that was lost in this awful tragedy, her mother?

Patty Vasquez Bello: And we don't need the attention. Like, I'm not asking for the attention. I'm asking you to continue a story that will live on for the rest of the individuals who are part of it. And it just doesn't come up on an anniversary, which is now all of the news feeds are sharing about the anniversary. But it's not anniversaries. It's all the time.

It’s not just anniversaries.

We met Patty because she sent us a voicemail earlier this year, responding to one of our previous episodes – an episode about prolonged grief disorder, and the idea that grief should end after a year. 

[PATTY’S ORIGINAL VOICEMAIL]: Hi, my name is Patty. I cannot believe that I'm actually calling, but I just heard your episode on grief, and I'm calling because I lost my mom in the Surfside collapse. And as now a 38-year-old without parents, I don't even know when grief starts. You know, you lose a parent to cancer and it’s different. And then you lose a parent to a collapse on national TV. In your head you’re just wondering: When are people going to tell me it's time to give it up? Time to move on? 

The one-year anniversary of the Surfside collapse was this past June, and Patty of course had not moved on. And as the news cycle began to churn in her direction again as the anniversary approached, those familiar feelings began to resurface.

Patty Vasquez Bello: I can't believe I fucking made it a year without her. I can't believe I have to keep living without her. You know, like I left that message on the podcast on grief and, like, one year, and I thought, “What a fucking joke.” I'm just trying to figure it out right now. 

Patty’s grief, like all grief, ebbs and flows. Some days it looks like anger. Other days it’s walking out of work to cry because she saw something that reminded her of her mom. 

Patty Vasquez Bello: I think I've just felt complete sadness and disbelief. Like, I think I'm still in disbelief. I still try to call her even though I know her phone is disconnected. And I still think about, I hear something from somebody and I say, like, "Oh, my God, I gotta call my mom." Like, those things are still there. I am so competitive with myself to just be okay, and I'm so far from hitting any other stage within this grief puzzle or wheel I'm supposed to be in. I'm still in complete disbelief that she is not here and that she died in this horrific, tragic way – like her, of all people.

One of the hardest parts for Patty is watching her big family move forward, without their mom. It’s especially painful to raise her own kids without her own mother.

Patty Vasquez Bello: Valentina yesterday was like, you know, "I really miss Lela," and Lela's like, abuela. So they call her Lela. And she said, “I really miss Lela.” And I said, "You know, I really miss her too. You know, it's okay to miss her." And she said, "But I just don't understand why she's in heaven and she can't come down and play with me, because she used to play with me all the time." And I said, you know, "Remember, when you go to heaven, you know, you can't come back down, but you can see everything that's happening. And it's a beautiful place. And she's so happy." We have cardinals. We always had one cardinal and we always called it my dad. And the kids are like, “Abi, he’s here!” And my mom used to talk about it and she's like, “Oh, look, your dad's here.” And now there's a male and a female, and they talk to each other all the time. Like, sometimes I'm like, You got to be quiet, man. Like, it's really … it's a lot. [laughs]  But my kids scream, and they're like, “Lela and Abi. They're outside! Oh my god, they’re here!” And inside … I miss my parents so much. And it's like, you can't just break down in front of them and say, like, “I really wish they were here.” But I celebrate. I'm like, “It's so amazing! They're here to see you today.” They came up really close today. And they just, you know, my 3-year-old is like, “I miss Lela,” and I mean, every, every single day. And watches videos of her every day. And they're like, “Lela, she's so funny.” And they talk about her in the present tense, you know? And it … it makes your heart break every, every day. But it's also beautiful that my mom left such an impression on them at such a young age.

When that building collapsed, people died. Homes were lost. It was a massive tragedy for so many people like Patty and her family. 

And it’s this reminder that accidents, violence, and hardships can dismantle our lives so quickly, so unexpectedly. They just strike like lightning – quick, powerful, reminding us that the parts of our lives that we love … are so fragile.

And when things crumble, we’re forced to look at the wreckage and think … what comes next? How do I rebuild this foundation? These protective walls? How do I once again find shelter from the chaos of the world around me?

That land has been sold. There may be another condo building right there. But there will never be another Maggie. 

Patty and her family still have to rebuild something for themselves. Something that honors that strong foundation that Maggie and Clemente built decades before, something that feels like the emotional shelter a loving mother provides. 

It’s the same kind of work we’re all forced to do at some point: to sort through all of the emotional wreckage and decide what to keep and what can go. To remember the magic of a person’s life, not just the tragedy of their death. To watch for cardinals at the window. To let yourself live a life that honors the ones you lost.

It’s not breaking news. It won’t make any headlines. But experiencing the messy, sad, joyful, unexpected moments of our lives is the only story that matters. Whatever Patty and her siblings build next, that’s the legacy of their family. 

CREDITS: Nora McInerny, Marcel Malekebu, Megan Palmer, Jordan Turgeon, Claire McInerny, Larissa Witcher, Eugene Kidd