Loving into the Future
Kelly loved her dad, then she lost her dad. Kelly loved her grandpa, then she lost her grandpa. Now that Kelly’s a mom herself, she wants to ensure that her son knows he’s loved, no matter what comes.
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Transcripts are not in their final form and are subject to change.
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Nora McInerny: How are you? Most people answer that question with fine or good, but obviously it's not always fine. And it's usually not even that good. This is a podcast that asks people to be honest about their pain, to just be honest about how they really feel about the hard parts of life. And guess what? It's complicated. I'm Nora McInerny, and this is terrible, thanks for asking.
MUSIC UP & UNDER
Today's guest is a woman named Kelly. And Kelly’s story starts with a photo.
Kelly: If you were to look at this picture, it just looks like a random picture of my parents, at a birthday party. When I was in grade school, there was, uh, one of my classmates, she was also in my girl guide group. She threw this big party every year at a local Chinese buffet.
And, um, Because we went to Girl Guides with her too, like, she got to, like, my parents got to know her parents, and, uh, they were invited to the party as well. So there's this picture of my parents sitting across from some of her family members, and,like, my dad's got his arms crossed, uh, my mom looks like she's scratching her nose, there's balloons in the center, and it's a big, long table.
Nora: It's like one of those photos that when you're going through a box of photos, you think literally who kept this and why
Kelly: Yeah, yeah like you can tell, you can tell that it's from the birthday party but like other than that you wouldn't think that it was an important picture in any way.
MUSIC FADE DOWN
This picture is important to Kelly because it holds a special link for her. A link between her past, her present, and her future. A bond between her grief and her love --- because you can't have the former without the latter.
Remember this photo. We’ll come back to it later.
THEME CHIME
ACT I
Kelly grew up in southwestern Ontario, with an older brother and sister, a mom, and her dad. Who was a really good dad.
Kelly: one of my favorite pictures of him and I is I'm like maybe a year, a year and a half crawling with a suitor in my out. I've got like the Mickey Mouse ears and I'm down on the carpet and my dad is over top of me crawling with me and just smiling at the camera with like the big 80s glasses and the mustache.
I think in that picture he had like the big curly hair. I think he had like curly ish hair. He had all his hair at that point. It hadn't started to go gray. like the big classic. Mustache. Just classic mustache. Big, uh, glasses. And he wore, like, the knee high socks for an absurd amount of time.
I think the only reason he got rid of his knee high socks was because my sister threw them all out and bought him new socks and was like, No, you're not allowed. You're not allowed to wear the knee high socks anymore. Get rid of them.
I have a vivid memory of just jumping in the waves with my dad and letting the waves, like. Bring us back and then we'd go forward a little bit and then jump when the next wave hit and it would just bring us back.
Nora: He sounds just like a fun, kind, like, movie dad.
Kelly: Yeah, he was, he was, you know,
And it was just, it was just, he was good and kind, you know. Um, my, my, my, uh, uncle had a Father's Day party every summer because he had a pool. And, um, So my dad would take me on his shoulders in the pool and he would go for a walk in the pool and he would step in a hole and he would dunk us both under and I would just laugh.
Kelly's dad was goofy -- and he was also really serious about loving her.
Kelly: I remember one time I came into the house and uh, He's like, oh, who's there? I don't know why he didn't know it was like one of his kids It was probably coming home after school and I'm just like, oh, it's just me And he's like never say that never say that because you are an important person in my life, you know It's not just you you are a special person So like that's something that I've always carried with me no matter what, you know, if I succeed or fail at something I always think that my dad is always proud of me no matter what.
I think it's just important for children to know that they're loved and accepted for who they are. And like my dad really wanted to make sure that I had that because that's not something that he had all that much of growing up. And you know, it's like, you get, you make sure to give what you didn't receive.
You know, like the things that are important to you as a parent are generally the things that were either lacking for whatever reason or that you didn't have.
MUSIC
Kelly: He always tried to be a better parent, be open to learning new things. Um, as I became a teenager, uh, I spoke angry teenager. He spoke misunderstood adult. That, that resulted in some loud conversations. But like, I always had that craving of being closer to my dad as a teenager.
And I feel like he just didn't have those skills taught to him about communication to connect in the way that I needed. And like... But the thing that I hold on to and the thing that I love so much about him is he was never happy with mediocre, he always strived for better so even if he got never got to the place where he was the perfect parent he was always striving and always trying to, um, do better.
MUSIC
This is how Kelly grows up -- in a home that's not perfect, but with a father who was always trying.
But as I said, love and grief are heavily linked. And grief comes early for Kelly. She’s 18, in her final year of high school.
Kelly: My dad, he wasn't feeling well, he was having chest pains. And like, consider the fact that my dad is only 56 at this point. Um, my mom... was like, okay, you're having chest pains. Let's get you into our doctor because her concern was that, you know, if we went to the ER, we would wait and they'd wait and wait and wait.
maybe if we went to the doctor first. He could think of maybe it was something else or like, you know, we'd have the authority of, well, the doctor sent them to the ER. It must be serious. so they went to the doctor and, uh, our doctor, family doctor said, you know, I don't think it's your heart because you're so young.
Like he had a family history of heart disease. But he was only 56. So the doctor said, you know, it won't hurt to go to the ER. so they went to the emergency room. And then they took him back and they did an EKG and they found out that he had had a heart attack.
Like my mom's a nurse, right? She's actually a nurse at this hospital that they, that they took my dad to. Uh, so she had to step out of the room, uh, for something and the specialist cardiologist walks by and he looks at her and she's like, and he's like, what are you doing here?
And she's like, well, my husband's here. Uh, he had a heart attack. Well, give me his EKG. Let me see. Let me see. Well, he looked at his EKG and he said, Oh, this is a right side heart attack. Your husband's going to be fine. Because the right side of your heart pumps, uh, blood to and from your lungs, right? So it's not as serious as a heart attack on the left side, which I believe pumps to your body, you know?
So my mom had that assurance. And then, standard procedure of Any heart attack patient is to give them the anticoagulant. So they gave him the anticoagulant, which breaks up clots. That's what it does.
PAUSE
And it broke up the clot that was keeping my dad's heart together.
Because what had really happened was you picture your heart beating away in your chest, but it's not really like that. There's layers of tissue around it. So that if you were to, like, be punched or get into a car accident, you know, your heart hits your rib cage, your heart is still fine and undamaged.
Well, my dad had had a heart attack that was so severe, it had ripped a layer in that cushion. So, that... was keeping him from bleeding out. And when they gave him the anticoagulant, uh, it instantaneously like dissolved that clot. And my dad started to seize and bled out internally and died.
Nora: Where were you while this was happening?
Kelly: I was at home watching TV. I was supposed to start my shift at a local fast food restaurant. And you know, when my dad left with my, when my parents left to the doctor, um, I was like, yeah, my mom didn't really seem too concerned. Uh, so I was just like, okay, dad's going to go to the doctor.
And then, uh, she called and she said, Kelly, your sister and her husband are going to come by and pick you up and take you to the hospital. So I called into work. I knew it was serious. I didn't know how serious.
PAUSE
So I waited for, um, my sister and her husband. They picked me up and, we walked into the doors of the hospital and at the time in the hospital, there was like this quiet room.
So they shuffled us into the quiet room and I remember my mom sitting on a chair and she looked at us and she just said, I'm so sorry, uh, your dad is dead. He died. It was just shocking, what 18 year old expects their dad to die like so suddenly?
No 18-year-old-does.
We assume we have decades more with our parents. Long enough to see them grow older, retire, become grandparents. Years upon years to make more memories together, to be an adult alongside them.
And even if you do get that time, it's never easy to let them go.
MUSIC
Kelly: it just felt like there was like a definitive before and definitive after part of my life. Like I used to journal and I remember writing in my journal about how I couldn't go back to the person I was because she had a dad that was living. You know, like she had a dad that was living and it's just like, like it was the big thing. Like, This grief was a big thing, but it was the little things. You know, like my dad left his instant large Costco sized instant coffee container on the kitchen table every day, and it bothered me so much. Just like, put it away!
Doesn't belong there. Put it away. Do you know how badly I would have wished? But I could just woke up one day and come into the kitchen and see that coffee canister on the table. Like I remember wishing for that. I remember wishing for this coffee canister to be on the kitchen table.
And you feel different. Like no one knows how to interact with you. People walk on eggshells around you. When you lose a dad, that's suddenly that young. Like, my friends were great, but they also didn't know how to handle it.they were very supportive, but like, my very best friend, who I love to death, and we're still best friends.
We've been best friends since like grade school. You know, she, she'd ask me to go out and do something, and uh, she's like, oh, Kelly, do you have to ask your parents before we, uh, And then she said, Oh my gosh, she's like, I said, parents, Oh my gosh, your dad died. And she was just like, so she freaked out. And I'm just like, okay, calm down.
Let's take a breath. First off, you can't remember, you can't remind me that my dad died. That's something I can't forget. You didn't remind me. And secondly, I understand that most people, my age still have a dad.
MUSIC
Most people your age do still have a dad!
And most grown-ups don’t even know what to say.
We believe that with the RIGHT words we can fix something. But not everything can be fixed. And often the most powerful thing you can do is show up and shut up.
Grief demands a witness. It demands a restructuring of your life and the world around you. Every person who dies is the center of a wheel, and without them…where do all those spokes go?
They can spin out, or they can find a new center.
And for Kelly, that center was her maternal grandfather, Wilfred. The best Grandpa name I can imagine.
MUSIC FADE OUT
ACT II
THEME CHIME
After Kelly’s dad dies, Grandpa Wilfred steps up big time.
Kelly: We all called him Pa or Papa. He was like the definition of a kind and gentle man. Like just, oh, he was so quiet and just gentle. And kind. Like, I feel like if you gathered all my cousins in a room and said to all of us, and like my siblings have said to all of us, Okay, which one was the favorite?
We would all look at you straight in the face and we would say like, Oh, there was no favorite. He loved all of us equally, which is true. But then if you pulled us aside, I feel like we'd all be like, yeah, I was the favorite because he made each of us feel so loved and accepted and he was just, he had no mean bone in his body.
He just, and he was so quiet. So he did this with like, very little words. He never, he never like, showered us with praises or anything, but like, you just knew that you were valued and you were loved, like your picture was everywhere. He had, um, a door next to, like a closet door next to where he sat that was covered in pictures of his grandchildren and eventually his great grandchildren.
So like, your picture was always on display, you knew you were loved, you know. And I just had this awareness that like, my dad wasn't around to witness the things in my life anymore. Um, you know, like... My dad really only, as far as like adult milestones, he only got to witness my prom because my high school graduation was in the fall. You know, so he didn't even get to see that. But he had seen like, my sister go through all her major milestones, like graduate, uh, high school and college, marriage, baby, you know, my brother.
Had a girlfriend like who eventually he got married and like we all knew they would get married But I didn't have any of that. So like my grandpa kind of Took that place of the person who would witness all the adult things, you know like if I ever had any sort of news, it wasn't real to me until I Told my grandpa like my grandpa was like my first call Uh, when I got a new position at work, he was like, um, if I had an accomplishment, I did like an obstacle course and I, you know, they gave out a funky hat and that kind of thing and a medal.
I took it to my grandpa and I have a picture of my grandpa wearing my hat.
MUSIC
Kelly: my grandpa's love was just in his aura. He, my, uh, my, Towards the end of university, my routine was every Monday I would go to school. I had, I had, uh, classes until about noon. I would eat lunch at my favorite cafe on the walk, on the walk back to my car. And then I would go to my grandpa's house and we would watch, uh, soap operas together, or like old westerns, or like in the heat of the night.
And like, he was just a very quiet man and sometimes I feel like, like he was almost self conscious of the fact that he didn't know what to say, but like, it was just nice to be with him, you know, like he was just so kind all the time.
Kelly of course loved her grandpa, but it was so much more than that. She held her grandpa close, out of love, but also out of fear.
Kelly: I really latched on to the important men in my life, especially in my family, like my brother and my grandfather. So the thought of anything happening to them. Like my dad randomly had a heart attack. If I thought about something random happening to my brother or my grandfather, it would just put me into this panic.
And, when I was in, uh, third year university, my grandpa fell and broke his hip. Now, in this time, I'm going through, um, and taking classes. And I think one of them was adulthood and aging. And they talked about how if the old people fall, it's very bad because,
Because the anesthesia is so bad for your body and, honestly, just repeating those sentences, just brings the anxiety all right, all the way back. So as soon as my mom told me, Hey, Papa fell, he broke his hip. I was like, what? Why? You mean this very person, important person in my life, is fragile too? What? No! I had one grandparent left, he was like, the father figure in my life, and he was immortal? No. Why? This can't happen right now.
It was very scary, like, to realize that he was mortal, and, you know, he could break. That's when I really was like, okay, I need to, like, put my claws into him and, like, never let him go.
People who have experienced loss know this feeling; the desire to wrap every precious person we love in bubble wrap, to place them in a terrarium on our shelves and tend to them like little creatures. To want to freeze them in time and space and keep them safe from the inevitable.
Kelly: I had my hopes because he turned 85 the year that I was taking that adulthood and aging class. So, um, like one of the statistics that I learned is if you reach the age of 85, you have a high statistical probability of reaching the age of 100. So, when he turned 85, I called him up and I was like, Hi, Papa.
Happy birthday. You are officially considered resilient and you have a high statistical probability of reaching the age of a hundred. And like, for me, I'm like a person who's big into statistics. So I was like, okay, this means I've got like, you know, how many ever more years with him? Like he's gonna, he's, this is, he's not old.
He’s not old. He’s a resilient young man of 85. Who then develops prostate cancer.
Kelly: It was around the summer of 2013, they went in. and they realized it had spread. Uh, it was a lot worse. What my mom thinks happened is they think that the last time they had gone in that they missed a little bit.
And all it took was a little bit and, um, from there it was able to grow too fast for them to take it out again and it had spread to his bladder. And he decided that he didn't want to go through treatment. He had tried a few of the treatments, and they were just too painful for him. It was just too painful.
And I think he was just tired. He just wanted to live his life, enjoy the rest of his time with his family.
Even now thinking about it, it's very emotional. Like, just like, what do you mean you don't want treatment? What do you mean? You don't want to have more time. What do you mean? It was very hard to accept.
Kelly’s fear of the men in her life dying is a valid one, because that’s what happens. To everyone, eventually, of course.
But Grandpa Wilfred’s death is the second big loss in Kelly’s life. It’s not just the death of her grandpa, but of her second dad.
MUSIC
Nora: When did you meet your husband?
Kelly: I met him when I was, I think like 26 or 27. Um, we went to the same church and uh, he went to this like, Kind of small group, um, potluck thing at somebody else's house that was called like home church. And they would go there and they would discuss, um, like the questions on the bottom of the, like, pamphlet that they handed out at church.
And I went there and I was knitting at the time and I think my husband thought I was shy because I was like knitting. Although I can, I can knit and keep up a conversation. But like I'd heard a lot about him through other people that he was a nice guy. So I was like, oh I'm gonna get to know you because you seem really nice and he is very handsome.
Nora: What was it like falling in love with a man and still being afraid of the men you love dying.
Kelly: I cried over stupid things, Nora.
One time, we were watching The Hobbit. And it was one of the Hobbit movies, and it was the one where, spoilers, uh, one of the characters is stabbed by a spider and dies. And I remember, uh, my husband being like, what if I was stabbed by a spider and died? And he, like, leaned into the joke hard, and I just burst out into tears.
Like, something fictional that could never, ever happen. And I'm just crying over it. That is what losing your dad... Will do to you.
MUSIC
Kelly: one of the things that I love about my husband is like he's a very kind of, he's very affectionate, he's very kind, um, he's very practical, he's like I don't expect flowers or jewelry on a regular basis. My husband has never given me jewelry other than, like, maybe a necklace and some earrings and, like, my wedding ring.
But if he goes to the store and he sees my favorite chips or, like, a snack that he knows I'll love, you know, he'll get it for me. And he'll be like, I bought you this! And I know that's his way of being kind. And I'd actually gotten into a car accident, uh, right before we started dating. And, uh, he bought me a TENS machine.
And, um, I was like, oh, this is really nice. And I told my friend about it and she's like,
Nora: A what machine?
Kelly: TENS machine. Like, they put, it's like little electrode packages that you put on your back. And then it's connected to a machine and it does like electrical pulses. Like, he was just a very generous guy. Like, I thought it was, like, we had kind of started hanging out, and I thought he was interested in me, so I thought, oh, this is a nice romantic gift, because, like, that was one of the things that my grandpa had taught me. is that romance can be, is more than flowers.
It's practical things. My grandpa really influenced what I saw as romantic. So when my husband bought that gift for me, I saw it as like a really practical romantic gift.
When you’ve gone through a big loss, you can’t go back to the way life was before. It’s like owning a home you can’t enter. You can peer through the windows, you can jiggle the door handle, it’s right there. But you can’t step over that threshold again.
You want so badly to be able to meld your life before and your life after together. You want to be able to introduce the people you love now with the ones you loved before.
Kelly: You know, like I never really dated before my dad died. I didn't go on any dates or anything like that So like my dad never got to see like the pride moment of all, you know, my little girl's going on a date. Um, And I had dated a guy in university my first serious relationship and I actually knew him From our high school youth group and he had met my father.
So I was, you know, I was like, Oh, this is so awesome. I'm with a guy that had actually met my dad and actually like knows and has memories of my dad. And then we broke up and it didn't end well. Um, and I remember walking to university and thinking, I will never have that again. I will never ha I will never be with anybody who's known or met my father and that made me so sad.
Kelly can’t do that with her dad and her husband. Except…
Remember that photo Kelly told us about at the top of the episode? Of a random grade school birthday party, with lots of kids and parents in a local restaurant?
Kelly: The first person to find that photo was actually my mom. They found it. after my grandpa had died. They were looking through old photos, uh, for like the funeral home, you know, for the slideshow and the photo boards that they put up. And they came across this picture and I, my mom looked at it and she called me up and she's like, I have a picture. of us at one of your friend's birthday parties, and we're sitting right across from your husband. And it was just a really nice, refreshing moment in a very difficult time.
MUSIC
Let me describe this photo again, because I want you to see it as vividly as possible in an audio-only medium.
There’s a long, crowded dining room table in the back corner of a Chinese restaurant. There are dim sconce lights spaced along the walls, and the ceiling is made up of those sunken square panels you find in every office building. There’s a bunch of bright balloons on the back end of the table, and whole surface is covered with everyone’s water glasses, dinner plates and condiments.
The restaurant from this angle looks full and lively — it is a child’s birthday party after all. Every person present is engaged in some kind of conversation with those sitting near. There’s a man with short, graying hair in a big green sweater sitting on the left side of the table, near the middle of the photo. His arms are crossed and he seems to be the only person in the photo who notices the photographer out of the corner of his eye.
And across from him, glancing down as he takes a bite of his food, is Kelly’s husband, Tai, as a teenager. His hair is shaved close to his scalp, and he’s wearing a plain white t-shirt.
They did meet.
They shared a meal together, breathed the same air. Sang the birthday song at the same time. Totally unaware of the ways time would link them together. That they were a future son and father in law.
Kelly: That photo honestly makes me so happy.
So when my mom found that picture, it was just so nice. It was like the universe giving something back to me. And like, you know, my husband doesn't remember this encounter, but we know it happened. He's like, you know, at the time of my life, I was in that, you know, I would have been like conversational.
I would have talked to your dad, like, so, you know, they would have had conversation. Like he's sitting right across from my father in this picture. Like, right across from him.
Nora: Isn't that kind of magical?
Kelly: It is, it is really wonderful. And like, you know, when I got married, I, I had like a 1950s wedding. And so I found this kind of retro ish picture. And I had it on this, I had this picture sitting on the table. Where we signed our, like, documentation that we were getting married, like, our wedding certificate.
So, there's a picture of the picture in my wedding photos.
This photo ... it's magical. It's inexplicable. It's coincidence, but also, maybe it isn't, depending on how we allow ourselves to see things.
People are a nonrenewable resource. Our loved ones are available to us for a finite amount of time. When they're gone, they're gone -- that's it. So if and when we get these flashes of recognition, these links to our dead loved ones, maybe they're worth examining. Worth pausing to admire, worth giving meaning to.
This could be a photo that gets tossed out. Or it could be a message from her dad. A wink from the universe, a reminder that our connections remain far longer than our bodies do.
MUSIC FADE DOWN
ACT III
THEME CHIME
In 2019, Kelly gets pregnant with her first child, Oliver. And this experience will change anyone, but when you’re also carrying a GRIEF BABY alongside your human baby, it can do a number on you.
Kelly: the first thing I did was I was like, okay, I have to find a way To know that my son, well, I didn't know I was a boy at the time, my baby always knows that I love them. You know, because like I would have given, I would give anything to have another talk, another anything from my dad and my grandpa to know that You know, to have them like just personal to me and I was like, okay, we need to problem solve this.
This needs to be fixed. I'm probably weird, but I'm like carrying a baby knowing that one day I'm going to die and I'm just like, this is a problem that needs to be fixed. Probably not the thought of a lot of new mothers, or like pregnant mothers.
But it’s the thought of a mom who knows that sometimes parents die sooner than they should.
Kelly: I can't tell you how many times I've wished to have a dream interacting with my father. Like, most times when I dream about my dad. It's something weird. Like he faked his death and he's really alive and I'm going to go see him. And then the dream ends and he's like, come on, come on.
Um, or he's off in the distance and I can't talk to him for whatever reason. And I did have a dream about him one time when I was getting a fitting for my wedding dress. My wedding dress was made by a seamstress and I had a dream that. He was there with me at this fitting and telling me how beautiful I was.
And he was so happy to see me in my wedding dress. And I just woke up and I was crying. Like the, the pillow was drenched in tears. Like that's a very special dream, but that's also a very sad dream. Cause like I could picture him saying those things. But it didn't actually happen. Like, it was a gift in the sense that I have that dream in my head, but it's also not real.
Like, maybe you could argue, depending on your spirituality, that that's what he would be saying. You know, maybe his presence, I felt his presence, or something like that. But, like, I didn't actually hear those words from him.
So this is how Kelly solves this problem. She writes. She writes a journal. That exists in PDF format in the cloud, in multiples, just in case.
A journal that is letters for Oliver, who isn’t here yet. For when he is older. For when she might not be here.
Kelly: whenever I write a letter, I'm aware of the fact that it's about like a moment today, so like I feel like whenever the idea of a letter comes to me, um, you know, I just try to soak in that moment because I want to be able to articulate it well to him later in a letter.
My precious Oliver, we had such a lovely evening today. My favorite part was when we were all together right when you were about to fall asleep. You, Daddy, and I were all together. You were nursing and Daddy and I took turns reading stories to you. Then I told you a very special story.
I told you about how I suspected I was pregnant. When I had my first blood test I was barely pregnant. My levels were so low my doctor made me retest but I was so happy I cried…
Nora: Do you remember writing that?
Kelly: I do. I do. That's one of the things I love about writing is like when you read it, it generally takes you back to that moment. I just want him to know that he is loved always. You know, like these special moments, because eventually he's not going to remember that. Like he's never going to remember being two years old, but like now he can read over that story again and again, no matter how many times he wants to, you know, like, that's the thing is one day. I'm gonna die and there will be no more stories.
MUSIC
Kelly: So knowing that he will have my voice, like written words in my voice telling him that I love him until the end of time.
It just, like, do you see a, do you hear the relief in me just thinking about that? You know, I just envision him maybe one day missing me and reading the letter and thinking, you know, my mom. Felt it was so important that I knew I was loved that she left this for me. That she put this thought into me that I would always have her.
That I would always have her love. Her words of love telling her, telling me how much she loved me.
Like to me that's beautiful, the idea that I can comfort him. When I'm not there to comfort him.
MUSIC
The simple act of being loved well by her father and grandfather shaped Kelly. And now, she gets to show Oliver not just HER love, but all the love that shaped her. Her father's silliness, her grandfather's attentiveness. Kelly is sharing her legacy of love. An intergenerational love.
Kelly: My sweet Oliver, Tonight in the bath you told me you were bad. On one hand, I was so broken, heartbroken you had said that, but I was also so happy you came to me to discuss it rather than keeping it to yourself.
You told Dad and I that your toys told you that you were bad and you told us how it made you sad. Well, I lined them up and I told them how we don't call each other bad. and how that hurt your feelings. I encouraged you to tell your toys how you felt. We talked to you about how we both love you so much no matter what.
You are learning and growing every day. Oliver, I hope to teach you that goodness isn't necessarily behavior. We all make mistakes and we all do things we regret that doesn't make a person bad. To me, It's about what you do after the mistakes. Are you willing to make amends and learn from your mistakes?
To me, that's more important than behaving perfectly all the time. What I really want you to know is I will always love you, always and no matter what. There will be times when we don't agree, and I will still love you. We will both make mistakes in life and in our relationship, and I will still love you.
You are always my child and I will always love you. Sometimes I look at you and I just can't believe you're my son. You are so joyous and wonderful. And for some reason, the universe decided I get to be your mom.
Love always, Mom.
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OUTRO MUSIC
CREDITS
Thank you to Kelly for sharing your story.
I love magical thinking! And we heard from many of you, and all the ways that your dead loved ones send you little winks in your day to day life. So many that we made this month's Premium mailbag episode all about it.
Here's a little snippet of what you'll hear:
Terrible Caller 2: I lost my beloved grandfather in 2015. And he was always a jokester. I remember one of the very first pranks he pulled on me when I was probably four. We were standing outside, and he said, Oh, look up at the sky! You see how those birds are flying in a V?
And I was like, Yeah! He said, Do you know why one side of the V is longer than the other? And I was ready for him to impart some grand wisdom on me. And I said, Why, Papa? He said, Well, cause that side has more birds in it. And I, to this day, Every time I see a bird formation flying in a V, I cannot help but think of him.
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Our team here at feelings & co is me, Marcel Malekebu, Claire McInerny, Megan Palmer, Michelle Plantan and Grace Barry.
Our theme music is by Geoffrey Lamar Wilson.